A Life Well Lived

April

Minnie Dutton 1904

My Mother, Minnie, was born 14th April 1900. By the time she was 14, she was an orphan, WW11 had started and the Titanic had sunk.  She had been offered a home with her older brother, Joe and his wife Lily, which at first must have seemed a godsend in an age before Social Services and the NHS.  She was profoundly deaf and had limited education, so a secure home must have been seen as a wonderful offer.  Little did she realise that it meant a lifetime of servitude as Lily viewed her niece by marriage as a servant to do her bidding. In conversation with my mother many years later, Mother always defended Lily saying ” she gave me a home, she didn’t have to”. Even when these two women were old ladies I could see how Lily ordered my Mother about, how Mum would for eg kneel down to do up Lily’s shoelaces, how she would jump up( at 70+! wheneverLily wanted a cup of tea etc.  I never heard my Auntie use please or thank you to my Mother, but, should company arrive, would adopt a gentile demeanour and recall how she had ” homed” my Mother. Horrible woman to  whom my Mother was ever grateful.

April 1972 was a bad, bad time … John and I had been invited to party held by Diana and Terry Kelly (Diana had been my childcare neighbour for several months) , and on arrival had been offered drinks by Diana to which I refused.  Raised eyebrows made me confide that my pregnancy had just been confirmed, so I would not be drinking. It was confidential, too early to tell people.  I met up with several people I knew, circulated and generally enjoyed the evening.  When it was time to go John was nowhere to be found, I said my goodbyes and walked home. It later transpired that he and Diana had been having an affair and once Diana heard of my news had confronted John who had told her that he was not the father of my child, I was obviously having an affair!

John never came home. He and Diana moved into his hospital room and Rebecca and I were in the house in Brenthem Way: it was a frightening time, I had a part time job, no childcare and a mortgage to pay.  I started making a pro and con list, quickly!  Deciding my only plusses in my life were my skills as a hairdresser and my house, I immediately shared my plans with Veronica, my boss, then put an advert in the Evening Standard asking for someone to share my house. My ad was answered within 24 hours and my new housemates moved in immediately Judy and Sami Morris were a really good fit: they too had suffered a life changing event only two days previously, were new to Ealing and we’re enthusiastically about starting a new life.  Judy got a full-time job the next day, Sam was enrolled at the local primary, Rebecca started pre-school immediately and Veronica revised my hours to help me. With Judi’s rent plus share of bills and my wages I was able to pay the mortgage and keep Rebecca and myself fed and watered. PHEW!